Monday, April 16th.....I can't believe it's been 10 days already........

Monday, April 16, 2007

Current mood: confused Category: Life Another heavy day....and I think I just made the biggest mistake ever...... Have you ever lost the most precious thing ever.....like the hopes and dreams of raising a beautiful newborn baby? Have you ever wanted something so much that it consumed your every waking moment? Have you ever loved so deeply that it was the best feeling...and the worst feeling ever....all at the same time......because you were afraid of loving so much and possibly losing that precious loved one? Have you ever received the most precious gift ever.....without knowing how much you wanted it before it came your way? Have you ever accepted so completely, that which you knew was going to change your life forever in the best way, and also knew that at the same time it was possibly the worst timing ever? Have you ever had to tell someone something so significant, shocking, and wonderful....and been so scared that telling that something was possibly going to shatter that someone's life and cause that someone to resent you deeply forever? Well, I have....and let me tell you it was not fun......and it was not easy......and it ended exactly as I predicted it would... Have you ever spent months wanting and waiting.....waiting and wanting......finally receiving......and losing it all in the span of a week? Have you ever ached so badly that you felt you just couldn't go on another day....but knew you had to......alone? Have you ever poured out your heart and soul to that someone that you love more than life itself.....and then wish you hadn't because deep down inside you know it isn't going to matter anyway.....and probably just made things worse? Welcome to my messed up life......and if none of this makes any sense to you.....don't feel bad..... I don't understand it either.... I just pray that one day I will get it right.