Could it get any worse?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Current mood: annoyed Category: Life I am so tired. Honestly, how much more am I supposed to take? So, Friday late afternoon a man comes to my door. I know this man.....a retired police officer from my church. A very nice man, who felt really bad about why he was there. He said it was official business......and I wasn't really sure what he meant as I knew he was no longer an officer. I guess he is now employed as one of those guys that gets to deliver bad news. My estranged, disgruntled husband is taking me to court for custody of my boys. He wants me to be in Sudbury court on March 6th........the same day I am to be in Toronto to begin my wait until Bennett is born. He knows this too. We have not spoken to each other since June 12.....the day he came to my home and laid a major beating on my eldest son Brendan! Of course charges have been laid, and a restraining order put in place. Well, he was not real good at staying away from our home, so I finally called the police and they placed more charges on him when I told them I had very good reason to be concerned for our safety. He was charged with breaching his bail conditions, harassment, threatening and assault with a weapon. He was also told to vacate the island that we live on and is not allowed to come back unless it is for court. Now, we were to appear in court for preliminary hearings on Feb. 5th. When the Crown Attorney heard what I am going through right now she did not feel comfortable with having me testify and be put through the added stress of it all. She contacted my husband's attorney and they agreed to put it off until a much later date. My husband has been enquiring about me around town to people he still has contact with. It is a small town and his mom still lives here too.......so they both know that I am about to have this baby. Now he also just found out about the complications as I am sure his lawyer explained that to him when they had to discuss putting off the court date. This conversation would have been very recent.....just about 3 weeks ago. So.......he is purposely bringing me into court to take away my children, my income, and my home.......in the same month I am to deliver a fatally ill baby. How nice is that? I don't expect him to feel sorry for me.......fat chance of that happening anyway. But, I have had sole custody since July 8, 2005. These last court papers set out visitation rights for him which he has chosen not to access since June 2006. Whose fault is it that he hasn't seen his boys? Certainly not mine. Am I supposed to track him down and hand over my children to a man that has proven himself to be untrustworthy and dangerous? No one can convince me that this is merely a coincidence. This is just another sick plot of his to make me regret leaving him. He warned me of this time and again before this all happened. The only thing I regret is marrying him in the first place......Not the fact that I left him! He needs an ego adjustment. As for this pregnancy......well.......the last 4 yrs were celibate ones for me anyway......God only knows what he was up to......and quite frankly I don't really care. He had his own living quarters in our home. He did not crawl into my bed everynight. The last 2 yrs we were legally separated out of necessity. He had cut me off from accessing our income. I had to take him to court to get support coming in so that I could pay some bills. I also needed him to get out.......or arrange an income for myself and the boys so we could move. It turned out that he was court ordered out of our home.....and the boys, the home, and an adequate income were given to me. YAY!!!!! AS IT SHOULD BE! I did nothing wrong in meeting another man and sharing some much needed comfort with him. This baby......and his subsequent health problems were a huge surprise. I knew that my ex was not going to be happy to hear about me expecting another man's baby, but I could not terminate a pregnancy just to pacify his feelings. A life is a life. I have to believe that God sent me this child for a reason. I am not sure why yet......but I have my theories. As for this court stuff......I can't quite wrap my head around why I am being given this particular hurdle at all.......especially right now. I continue to pray for strength, courage, and comfort during this time.......like never before. Perhaps God is testing my loyalty. I don't know....... But I am not about to turn away from Him now. I just keep my sanity by reminding myself........ Somewhere.......... many people have it much worse. I am still a very lucky Mommy!