~MARCH is TRISOMY AWARENESS MONTH~

~The month of March is significant to me for a variety of reasons.

It is the month that my father and brother have their birthdays.

It is the month for Brain Injury Awareness,  Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness, National Nutrition Month, and Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month.

The most significant of all is that March 29th, 2007 was the day that my youngest son Bennett-Chadlen Roy was born at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Canada, and spent his entire 8 day life at Sick Kids Hospital NICU.

Bennett-Chadlen was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 halfway through my pregnancy, in my fifth month.  I had no idea what it was, and what it meant for his life.  I just knew that it had to be something bad judging by the look of horror and  pain on my midwife's face as she tried to break it to me as gently as possible.

How do you tell someone that their unborn child is affected by a rare chromosomal abnormality which often results in death prenatally or shortly following birth?

March is TRISOMY AWARENESS MONTH.  It is the one month of the year when all families of children born affected with Trisomy can join forces and inform our family and friends what Trisomy is, and what it means to us.

What began is the worst possible nightmare that I could possibly imagine, has turned into an unbelievable journey of unconditional love, pure acceptance, grief, healing, and joy.  Why joy you might ask?

My son gave me the greatest gift imaginable.  He opened me up to the most intense feeling of love that I could never imagine without experiencing it firsthand.  There are no words for the wonder and depth of admiration that I felt for this tiny, unborn son of mine.  Every single moment of time, every tiny little heartbeat......was graciously celebrated within my womb.  I spent each day rubbing him through my belly, speaking his name as I described what I could see and what "we" were doing.  I spent countless hours rocking him in front of the fire at night, in a room lit only by the flames.  I celebrated every kick and prayed for many more.  I shed tears that I thought would never stop.

Through the gift of my blessed boy, I learned to live spontaneously and squeeze every amount of happiness out of each and every day that I can breath.  I welcome life, I rejoice in the ability to experience the rain, wind, snow, and sunshine.  I hug my boys as often as possible, and never allow a day to go by without them knowing how much they are cherished and loved.  The same goes for the special people and friends in my life.

Through the internet I was able to not only learn about the survivors and families affected by Trisomy 13, but I was also able to reach out and 'meet' others in similar situations and seek comfort and solace within their words of support which they so generously gave to me when I enquired or requested it.

As I near my sweet boy's 4th Heavenly Birthday I can't help but feel sentimental and think back to those final days 4 years ago as I was waiting for him to be born.

I can't explain it, but I can show you the beautiful photos which were provided to me courtesy of Heather Renee Morgan of Lifespark Photography.

Love, Peace, & Nimkee-Blessings to all my special Trisomy families today, and always xxoo

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

~♥ ♥ TODAY WE REMEMBER UNITED, EVERY DAY WE REMEMBER IN OUR HEARTS ♥ ♥ ~

~October 15th is a monumental day for families like mine, for it's the ONE day all year that we are recognized and given permission to mourn openly and remember our beloved ^Angel^Babies.

This is monumental as much of society still perpetuates the old way of thinking, instilling the Taboo Silence of Infant Loss.  A mother never forgets the day a child is born, regardless of the duration of that pregnancy, or newborn's life.  

All that we ask is that you all try to imagine what we've gone through, and understand with compassion that we are doing our very best to strive and survive through the greatest heartache imaginable.

It is a loss of hopes and dreams of future days spent cuddling as we watch our children learn and grow.  

Be gentle with us, as we are with you, for we also understand that it's so very difficult for you to deal with our grief.

Once a year on this date, families around the world unite and remember their angel-babies in a variety of ways.

http://www.october15th.com/

Many others, like myself, will release balloons in Loving Memory of our Angel Babies.  

In conjunction with Project Sweet Peas, and their balloon release event, I too released balloons to the babies of the families that sent in their requests.  I released balloons for 87 babies on my list; together Project Sweet Peas as a whole released balloons for over 400 little lives lost too soon.

My second angel-baby Bennett-Chadlen was born on March 29, and grew his tiny wings 8 days later on Good Friday, April 6th, 2007 at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, Ontario

My first angel, Noah-Alexander, was born with wings on August 6th, 1999

Tristan, Tanner, Mason, & Rheanne were there to help honour the memory of their beloved siblings

My boys and I ready to release the balloons!

Up, up, & away.....*photo courtesy of my boys as I was cutting the ties!

On behalf of Nimkee Blessings, I want to wish all families of ^Angels^ peace and comfort in your hearts, knowing that we all remember with you.  I wish you strength to get through the difficult moments as they inevitably come, and courage to face another day.  Set small goals, and don't fight the feelings.  Get through today.......then do it again tomorrow.  Be gentle with yourself.


~Love, Peace, & Nimkee-Blessings to all~

~ ♥ ♥ Today, we remember united; Every day we remember in our hearts ♥ ♥ ~

~1 candle for Noah-Alexander, 1 candle for Bennett-Chadlen, 1 candle for all~

~LaBelleDame.com~Jewelry to nurture and support the spirit~

~the following links are to a wonderful website which provides beautiful keepsake jewelry for mothers, grandmothers, aunts.....and also offer cards and links to support resources.

For every purchase made by following one of these links, I will receive a 15% discount which I am planning to put towards the purchase of items for recipients of my Nimkee-Blessings Memorial gift bags for families with newborns at the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) of Toronto, Sick Kids Hospital.


Thanks in advance~Melissa Roy, project leader for Nimkee Blessings


Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry:






Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Jewelry -Customised jewelry to celebrate the life of a child lost in miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. Each piece is created using carefully selected symbols to help support the grieving parent after the loss of a baby.





Fertility Jewelry:



Pregnancy Jewelry:



Memorial Jewelry -Customised jewelry to celebrate the life of a loved one. Each piece is created using carefully selected symbols to help support the grieving process, and life after loss.


Fertility Jewelry - Each piece is created using carefully selected symbols and gemstones to help support the couple who is trying to conceive. Sensitive pieces make wonderful gifts for those who must walk a longer road to get the baby they dream of.


Pregnancy and Birth Jewelry -Customised jewelry to celebrate and support your pregnancy and birth. Created using carefully selected gemstones and symbols to honour this exciting time!


Pet Memorial Jewelry - Pet Loss - Cat and Dog Sympathy Gifts
Pet memorial jewelry created to keep your cat and dog's memory close after the loss of a pet. Touching pet loss sympathy gifts. Free online pet memorials

Dear Nimkee.......

From Jeff's pics

Dear Nimkee,
I cannot believe it has been 2 years already since I learned of your Trisomy 13. I remember silently rocking you in front of the fire, rubbing you and thinking----how can this be? How can this little baby growing inside of me be so ill? Why? I just don't understand!

As I make my way through a second Christmas without you, my heart aches. I miss you so much.

Tonight I went to the Candy Cane Festival with your big brothers and I saw a tiny new baby there. He was dressed in a Santa suit, with the little red hat--trimmed in white fur. I wanted to pick him up and hold him...and remember how good you felt in my arms.

I reached down and touched his tiny fingers, held his tiny hand. I stroked his cheeks, felt his dark, wavy hair which reminded me so much of your own. I saw him open his eyes, just waking from his nap....and remembered seeing you do the same.

I couldn't resist. I had to reach down and kiss him tenderly.....

And all I could think of was you......

Gzaagin Nimkee.....Mommy xxoo

NIMKEE

Thursday, May 17, 2007

NIMKEE Current mood: calm Category: Life I wrote this story earlier today and shared it with one of my support groups...and then decided to share it with all of you as well.' I love you Bennett-Chadlen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What does "NIMKEE" mean?: "NIMKEE" means "LITTLE THUNDER". It is Bennett-Chadlen's spirit name. It was given to him by the spirits themselves. My father is native....from the Ojibwe/Odawa tribe......and very traditional. I was unaware that this was happening.....but.......following Bennett-Chadlen's death, my father was in touch with a couple of ladies from his reserve. These ladies were in touch with a medicine man (I know...it all sounds very bizarre....but bear with me)....the medicine man laid out tobacco on the ground, which is one of the 4 sacred medicines (tobacco, sage, sweet grass, and cedar).....and asked the Spirits to provide a name for my precious boy. The medicine man also provided some sort of medicinal tea for me to drink that day.....and right before Bennett-Chadlen was laid to rest. I have no idea what was in it, but it helped to settle my nerves! Anyway, I attended the funeral home with these 2 women, my mom, dad, and sister were there also. The native ladies had prepared a cedar tea that I was to clean Bennett with. They began by undressing him, and they "smudged" him with the smoke from the burning of the 4 sacred medicines....with his very own eagle feather to cleanse his soul and keep away bad spirits. They had me drink some of the tea, and one of the women began to wipe him down with the cloths dipped in the cedar tea. Apparently this is customary to prepare each body this way. I was told to release all my tears and was handed a cloth to wipe him down with myself. All the while the other woman was drumming and singing a traditional native song.......it was very moving......and I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life....but afterwards I felt better. That is all part of the ceremony......for the mother to shed all her tears and grieve as she prepares her loved one for the wake and burial......afterwards there are few tears, and more strength. Amazing, but true. My sister was having a difficult time watching me cleaning Bennett, so she too was given a cloth of her own, and was told to "help your sister clean her baby......and cry all your sadness away." {We are not to be sad following the passing of our loved ones.....they are in a happy place, a place of honor, and we are to celebrate their life....not mourn them. They do not want to see us sad, for it will make them feel guilty for leaving us......occasional tears are okay....as long as we tell them that they are happy tears, because we love them so much and are happy to have them in our lives. They understand.} The woman that was drumming suddenly announced in our native language...but here is the translation, "NIMKEE.......Your little boy will be known as NIMKEE.......this is the name that the Spirits have given to him. It means LITTLE THUNDER.....and from now on whenever you hear the Thunder, you are to know that it is your little boy coming to say HELLO!". On Monday evening, May 14th......we heard our first thunder since Nimkee's passing. It was about 8pm, and was just beginning to get dark. It was our Tristan's 9th birthday......so we believe that Nimkee was coming by to 'sing Happy Birthday' to his brother Tristan. The thunder rumbled non-stop for hours, accompanied by the strangest show of lightning that we have ever seen. It was incredible. I will also add the story behind our traditional native burial ceremony....incase anyone else is interested. It is a long story, but interesting if you are a spiritual person. I believe that the following is true, because of the photo that I posted earlier of the "Orbs" surrounding us in some of the photos taken following his passing. Check it out.....they are not fake. It is our native belief that the deceased spirit does not cross-over to the other side for 4 days following their passing. This does not mean that the spirit remains in the body.....only nearby. For this reason the body is not to be unattended at all during the next 4 days until they are laid to rest. Bennett-Chadlen passed away on Good Friday. Due to the holiday weekend, there wasn't going to be anyone available to deliver Bennett to the funeral home in my hometown......until Tuesday!!!!!. My father knew that I would be terribly upset if I found this out, so he drove to Toronto (7 hrs away) to retrieve Bennett's body. He and a very close family friend that I call Uncle Louie, went to the hospital with papers from the funeral home and just posed as drivers/employees. Before placing Bennett-Chadlen in the car, a 'smudging' ceremony was done all around each entrance.....to keep away evil spirits. Uncle Louie performed this ceremony, and he said that when he opened the door for my father to place Bennett inside, that my Great-Grandpa Roy got in also, and that he held Bennett on his lap all the way home. I got goosebumps when I heard that. I lived with my Great-Grandpa Roy until he passed away in 1987...I was 17.....we were very close, and I am not surprised that he was there to meet and watch over my precious boy. My father was not sure how he was going to be able to drive, with his grandson's lifeless body in the back seat....but he said that once he got into the car...he felt an instant peace surround him. He believes that my Grandpa was there with them....just like Uncle Louie said. I know this all sounds a bit weird....but trust me.....we are not 'strange' people. There have been many times that I have felt the presence of my grandpa, or smelled him, while at my father's home where we all lived in the house that my grandpa built. This is where my father still lives.....and where Bennett-Chadlen was brought for his wake. Bennett was delivered to the funeral home at about 4 am, Sunday morning. The funeral director lives above the funeral home, so Bennett was not alone while he waited for me to come and get him. At 10 am, I performed his cleansing ceremony and dressed him in his burial outfit. At no time did anyone besides me touch Bennett-Chadlen. I bathed him and placed him in the bodybag and handed him over to the security guards at the hospital, and the funeral director did not touch him....he was not enbalmed. I removed him from the bodybag at the funeral home. It was difficult, but I know that nobody touched my boy besides me, and the native ladies, and my family.......just the way it has been done for centuries. I even carried him out of the funeral home, got into the car, and held him as we drove down the street to my father's home. First we drove around the block, to show Bennett where he came from....and incidentally....my brother and my mom also live on the same street so we showed him where they live too. Upon arrival to my father's home, I had to wait outside until the home was "smudged/cleansed"....again to keep out/cast out evil spirits that might try to 'steal' my baby's soul. As per custom.....my brother built him his cross & casket. The cross had to be brought into the home ahead of him......and when possible, every body is brought in through the back door.....and goes out through the front door. There also has to be a live cedar tree at the back door.....so my eldest son (20 yrs old) had to go out and dig one up and place it in a bucket.....that tree is still waiting to be planted in our yard. I then carried Bennett into the house through the back door, passed his cross.....and into the living room where he was to lay in wake for the next 2 nights, 3 days. Bennett was never left alone......there was someone with him 24hrs per day....protecting his soul. It is also the custom to light and burn a sacred fire, which signifies the light that the spirit is to go towards....it lights the "Path of Souls" so that the Spirit can find its way to its final destination. Because of burning restrictions in our town.....we kept a candle lit by him. The flame is not to go out until he is laid to rest on the fourth day. Timeline.....Good Friday: Bennett passed away on Good Friday, approx 2:30 PM his heart stopped. I was holding him in my arms.....with his father by my side. We all took turns having hand moulds made with Bennett. The bereavement staff were so patient and wonderfully kind to us. Each of my young boys have moulds of them holding onto Bennett's tiny hand. I made mine holding onto his tiny feet.....his father held his hand.....our mother's also got to have a mould made with Bennett. These are precious keepsakes. Chadlen and I had photos taken with him. I dressed him, and moved to a sitting room, and our entire family spent time a few hours with him....and then they left. My mom and I stayed with Bennett-Chadlen...and with the help of the night nurse, I was able to make some gold embossed feet prints. They are so beautiful......and unique. Remember...he has 6 toes on each foot....as well as 6 fingers on each hand. I gave him his first and only tub bath....my mom took some photos.....priceless. I dried him.....rubbed lotion on him.....and dressed him in a tiny robe, hat, and booties supplied by donations to the NICU. I swaddled him, and rocked him as long as I wanted to. Around 11:30pm I helped the nurse to wrap him and place him in the bodybag for cold storage. He was wrapped beautifully, complete with bows....just like a precious gift! I held him and rocked him like that until the security arrived to take him. My mom and I left the hospital at midnight, and spent the night at a nearby hotel, courtesy of the hospital. Saturday....returned home.....a long 8 hr trip. Sunday morning....brought Bennett-Chadlen home after prepping him. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.....spent all my time with Bennett....holding him, looking at him....and just being in his presence. I even slept on the sofa nearby....I couldn't leave his side. Sunday & Monday evening.....prayer & song services held. Tuesday evening.....his funeral service was held in my father's home....and he was laid to rest, as the sun went down.....and the stars came out. Sorry this is so long....it is the first time I have written this complete story....it was very therapeutic. So, as you can see, it was a long 5 days.....but a very precious time that I will never forget....and I was able to spend ample time with my beautiful boy before I had to let him go forever. Chadlen and his mother attended the entire wake, even though they too had a very long drive.....7 hrs......but it is a time they will always cherish as well. They have never before witnessed such a "Celebration of Life".